The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

ms
14:00 Jun 30 2007
Times Read: 775




Moonlit Sleep



I went outside to read my cards and ended up falling asleep in her arms! I laid In her embrace and fell into a deep wonderous dream. I was in hell and the fires there were like none i have seen. I walked into them as the heat was embracing me I wanted out of there and i saw here in all here magnifacence. Her light and her face were like no other and she called to me. As i strolled through the fires to get to her they were bright and burning but not on me there was others there and i laughed at them for what i have no clue? I was walking into a tunnel full of her love. She was speaking to me in a way that was a whisper in ones ear. I aroseFrom her embrace to her full love and i could feel her beauty in my heart. She loves me and never lets me go. I walk to her but she keeps running from me. She led me to a corner of the dream where she was not . I awoke and was on my front porch and she was smiling at me as she left me once more. I got up and witnessed her full love for the last time for another heart breaking while. As i stood in the last of her brilliance a tear came to my mind, I should have held her and never let her go.Why am I alone again?

How do devils love?
05:00 Jun 30 2007
Times Read: 780

This night is a different one for the moon is my sun!

Sleepless 2
12:38 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 806

Day two of my dark journey and I am seeing the ghost of me emerge from this shell. The unyielding relentless hate and pain that keeps me in this state is begining to yell silenent screms to the world of the light but i refuse to let anyone here. From my mind I hear a song only I can hear a silent melody of suffocation and misery that has such sweet devils with their dark deeep voices singing. I my mind I sway to this demons fate and in the dark paradise i am in! I am there in the dark dense forest with them those dark masses of beauty! They are such a site and they hear the melody that rings from my dead soul. The moon peeps her eternal light through the branches dead and rotted as all in this dark gloomy place are. But as the music makes my mind sway and their dark voices rise in a crucifixion of my soul my heart is bleeding black and the fire that is the devils is rising. All i seenow is shadows laced with th glow of the moon crowding me till I am in the black that I love! In split second as the music and motion hit a fever pitch I spot a living thing blazed with the outline of those soft sweet petals and glistening with the blood of the innocent one. I kneel down and look upon the blood in the moonlight on the soft petals I grab the tender stem covered with the thorns that were made for the crown of the king they pierce my unfeeling hands! I pull her from her eternal dak life and as blood flows down the stem I lift her to the moon and see the on living thing that was in this forest of death and gloom and a drop of blood drips from her into my mouoth and I taste the sweet sensation of the innocent one! I know what to do with this bloody black rose it is for the missing one that is not with me it will be hers when i see her and once again in silence and despair i am alone with i the dead forest silent and moon lite.

Sleepless
15:02 Jun 27 2007
Times Read: 815

Why do i not sleep anymore?

Is it because the touch of another is no more to me and my only refuge from pain and sorrow lie in these sleepless nights. I awake quick as if my soul does not want me to dream. What will I see in the unholy dark of my mind? Things I yearn for and things I desire or will I see a horrible end to all as I know it to be? Come to me dreams and show me a love like you have never shown me before. Show me my dark paradise that I belong to. Show me a frozen sun and creatures of the night with immortal beauty. Touch me with a coolness from a dark storm of rain and lightning. Give me back my dark feeling of belonging once more. why has life taken this couse from my path and gave me hoplessness lonelyness? Am I always going to live in this silent world that engulfs my all. I have passion and devotion but will sorrow and hate destroy those feelings. Inside my dark heart that is lost and in a tragic state I wish for release.

ME TODAY
23:54 Jun 21 2007
Times Read: 856

I am in a struggle for my living shell with the one thing that is after its being. I sit in a cold dark mind that tells me it will be better if I do it. *thinks will it be so much worse than now!* Yes it is more than that and my heart is so weak now and my tears let loose in a way like never they have*tears of blood in the dark*Isnt death life and life death? I am so in flux I am in that stage that it will not leave!

NO MEMORY
10:57 Jun 20 2007
Times Read: 871

While in this dark hell of mine there came a spirit to me. Not of flesh and bone but of smoke and illusions. When the light would hit it it was real as a human can be but in the shadows there came the clear floating lie that the light plays on the dark. I fear not the end but the lie of the beginning. My dark hour is upon me in a bad way and to me it is sweet misery and I will not let the smoke and illusions of others compound the pain and anguish I am feeling. I am what I am and that is a devil like non before me and will never be one again after I am gone. I do not live for you or anyone I live for what I want and I dont know the answer but it will come to me one day and I will and will ebrace it into my darkness and my agony but will it change me? It will not I hate my life at the moment and it is only getting worse and worse I cant seem to do what i want and my thoughts are so eratic and senseless I cant get a grip on them. I am trapped in a corner of hate. Padded walls in my mind and I connot tear out of them!

A very depressing dream
12:02 Jun 17 2007
Times Read: 886

Two nights ago i was feeling very down and could not think like i usually do. I was on the very deep thoughts of why am i here and for what is this whole life leading to? I layed down and dreamt! But before i tell you this dream that made me hurt i must tell you the story of the one I dreamt about. On this fathers day I write this for i think iI should, a friend of mine told me to write it the other day but my heart was not there so here it is. My father commited suicide when iI was 8 and not once since then have I ever had a dream of him and i dont know why? Should you dream of the one who made you? Is it the suicide of the bible that took his soul to hell where I have been since that day he died. But to the dream. It was a dream of me and my sisters in the later years of life in it i was a teen and those were some of the hardest times in my life for I was as a lost kid in the world. I would leave home all night go to school sleep in class and be a silent lonesome nobody. I was in my dream as i was at that age and my sisters were at that age as well. I was outside cleaning the yard in my black clothes and he came out! My dad after all these years i laid eyes onn him! He was yelling at me and telling me I aint shit and in my dream I shrugged it off and did my thing. In this time wind blew strong and everything was blowing down and i watched it all trees were falling and all my hard work was for not. I went in and he was still putting me down and I did not know what to say? He grabbed me and threw me and went to the room. My sisters were crying and my heart was cold as it is now. They went into the room and came running to me saying he was hurting mom! He threw her too! I got up and he came out and pushed me to the ground and told me to put some music on for him and as he did i broke down in tears and asked him what is wrong with him! He told me that he did not know but that i was a piece of shit and i woke up.

My dreams
06:01 Jun 14 2007
Times Read: 900

I awake in a place of beauty, a garden green and alive. As i walk through the loving green of this wonderous place all i touch fades away. Turns to black and dies. Why is my touch so deadly? My darkness is consuming this beautiful land of light and fresh beauty! As the green turns to yellow and the life here withers away, why does my sorrow do such things to me? I still walk through the green smelling the sweet air and the scent of grass as green as i have never seen. I am in a sad life at this time and my dead heart is tired. I lay in the grass as i do it dies around me and my day dream in a dream begins. I am an angel with wings of soft loving white silk. I am in the clouds in the light of the sun and my angelic eyes are so bright with the love of the light. I sore through the heavens as a sweet love of the one and in his light i am bright and loving! I am her angel and i come to her in the night with a light as she has never seen in all her days. I am her grace and she is my true love of light. I caress her with my light and feel her undeniable in a heart of a live person. I hold her tight and into the heavens i take her, her soft delicate hands caressing my soft light hair. She draws me to her and as our lips are about to meet i awake! A blood tear of desire drips from my eye and all is dead in the sweet garden i am in, i bow my head and smile for the though of it was a vision but my dark soul is me and through the dead garden of life i continue my unending pain.

Under the weather
04:24 Jun 13 2007
Times Read: 907

Not feeling very well today but still need to write. In my life i have seen some wild and dark things. Did it cause me to lose my soul to darkness or was i born to be as i am always. I dream dark and wonderous things. They are my nightmares and they are so hideous and i do love them. I have not been sleeping good or living well as of late. I can feel a change in me like no other time in my life i am growing so much closer to the black nature of the universe and i love it. I have been asked if i sold my soulto the devil a few times of late and my soul is mine not to be sold. My soul moves closer to the sweet silence and shadows that it loves so much, those of you who know me understand my existance. I am a truely lost soul of desire and want to be hurt and unloved like no other. To the shadows of the mind i go now.

Her walk
10:56 Jun 12 2007
Times Read: 915

She was in a lone street and lost. Dhe was on the lone street of darkness and her arms crossed. Thinking why did i come to the desert for? Looking into the night she saw the stars and a half moon. Alone she feels and sad is she. As she walks ahe is not alone for a worm follows here. Not any worm it is it is the dark yellow death of the desert. She walks faster and cant get away for the speed of him is fast and unrelenting! She is scared and keeps the pace of her and the yellow one follows. She is scared and has to run but does not. The yellow one leaves as she enters light but her fears are still there of him!

Rain in the desert
06:44 Jun 12 2007
Times Read: 920

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YOU WROTE:



Rain in the desert



Woke up to a sweet smell that has been gone from me. The smell of wet earth and my body was weak in its loving touch. I opened the blinds and lay in a calming silence that has been gone from my soul for so long. Dark skies i am and love the sight. I lay so in love with the dark for we are one and my love is in the dark. I walk outside after rising from my tomb and feel the tears from above and it makes me so lost. This cold feeling on my skin is so wonderous it is a feeling of her touch that i have dreams of! One day one will see my dark soul, and we will be eternal! My dark love is more than all the dark matter of the universe and i am going to hell when i am ashes to take my place at the fires i love.

The day today
23:48 Jun 10 2007
Times Read: 928

I sit here thinking of nothing. Doing nothing. What am i to do? No feelings, no emotion. What can i feel? Nothing for what are my feelings but wasted emotions of a dead heart. My life is stale and old for nothing is alive in me. How can this be so? My heart is so alone and no one to touch. I am so in the tomb of my life. When will the touch i crave be mine for i want only the touch of one who wants me. I am closed to all in my own pain and darkness. Bring me the one thing that i crave for and that is a feeling of no longer being alone for a touch is what i dont have and it is so a mystery to me in this time. What a sensation it is to be held and when it is gone i wonder why do i not have it, love like no other? My desire is the touch of another and it is so far out of reach. How am i surviving in these dark killing days i do not know. But in the dark of my soul do i dwell till i feel the touch of love.

My sleep of times gone
00:41 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 936

I was alone in those days as i am now. I would go to school and leave as soon as my first class that i slept through was over, teacher was ben stiens brother. I would walk alone with thoughts of my life even then i was in the dark of myself. I would walk in the sweet morning air and be a ghost among the living. My heart and soul were broke as they are now but walk to my hiding spot i would. As i got close to it my mind would leave and i would get so tired. Every now and then my friend would be asleep in the ditch for he was like me but not this day i was alone to go to my spot. I cut the fence along time ago but would fix it so you would not know it was open. I climbed out of the dry river and opened my hole. I climb throughand closed it behind me. In the shadow of a huge evergreen and walls of red i take my pack off no books just an old pillow in it for i lay my head on it and stare at a white statue of jesus. Hating him and all like him, faith i have no more and all i have is me. No tears at this age, still in denial for the things i have been through. Old part of the place so no one ever visits this spot. Ilook into the pines and a light wind blows and the pine gives its song to me. I begin to hate myself and the hate swells in me and i close my eyes to be in my beautiful darkness. I remember the dream that one day of all the others. I was burning in fires and was in love with the sensation. I was the fire and it was all consuming and i was not afraid. I opened my eyes and the stars were out and i was still in the song of the giant pine but the night was on me. I lay there in the wonders of the dark sweet cematery, in love i was with my fires and the dark to a point where i did not want to leave. Dont know what time i finally arose from my loving rest but i did not go far, i walked into the darkness and there i have been ever since.

?
13:27 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 942

I feel so alone, why do i not give my all! why do i feel this way? am i ugly or am i so disgusting no one will have me!

My thoughts
13:17 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 943

What you will feel is fire

What i am is flames

Touch it it so loving

But the flame that gives

It takes from me

love is you and it is not

give me the pain and the agony

I am to dark for your light

do you want the fire of eternity on you?

i feel for one and the love of you kills me

more than you know i am a soul in limbo

stars and the universe are me

let me give you this dark love and for that i will

always be true!

dark i am and will be till your light takes the pain!

Night wind
04:49 Jun 07 2007
Times Read: 963

I walked out of my dwelling for the first time tonight. I walked into a sweet loving night wind, soft and cool. My hair blows around like it had no shame. I turn on the water and such a calming sound it gives to my oleanders for they are out of control in the wind as my hair. I stop and inhale the sweet smell of the new born pink love in my midst! She is there with me i look at the dark mountain before me and think that i am the mountain looming with the dark and she is the sweet pink delicate flower. As i caress the soft petals of softness my longing becomes that as never before! I look to the night sky and the stars are bright and numerous. The wind continues to blow through my soul and it has calmed the devil in his emotions for the touch of the wind is maddening to me! I wish to have one to walk hand and hand in your enlightening embrace but reality has brought me from your bright star and the sensation of the wind has brought me to a cold place for the longing i have for you is torture to my dark eternity. So i smell the sweet scent of the thought of you one last time, look at the shimmering star that is you, let the wind kiss me one last time and back to my tomb i go!

One sweet day
23:32 Jun 06 2007
Times Read: 969

As i sit in the dark i think of my being, the soul that makes me who i am. I want only one thing in this dark and lustful life of mine, you. I am broken and in pain but the smile on my face remains for worse times i have seen and now i have a wonderous one to admire! I feel you but the distance is painful to my heart of darkness. I will only say things that are what i feel and if you cannot understand this dark love of mine then just sit back and think of the beauty that i hold in me for you for you inspire words as no other and i am a sorrow onto myself dark and loving words from me are yours! Show the bright light you have to my dark inside and feel a flame from hell caress you in all forms.

MY FIRE
05:27 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 977

I am in the dark as i write this and my soul is free from the hate ignorance! I walk alone in this eternity and have not one regret. *Do i? no*

When will the one be mine? she sang a song to my soul and why do you deny my love take it or gone to fires again it will go and my sweet heart!

Sweet darkness
19:08 Jun 04 2007
Times Read: 982

I dream of a day when my heart will be in the hands of one. I desire it so and when i lay in the dark and my mind wanders in the universe that is existance, i am a dark star looking for the solar system of you. Feel my dark light among your bright blinding pull! I am the black hole the dead space i am the darkest spot you see in the sky at night. I dream and desire you to be close as the earth and moon for the distance of you is my death. The dark i am and will surround you and you never know what it means to be embraced by my touch.

this night
03:14 Jun 03 2007
Times Read: 996

i am searching for a reason for it all. i am feeling pain through it all. i am the hell it was breed to be. i am the fire that is to be. when my flame on this plane ceases to be, send me to ashes where i must be, THE DEVIL GABRIEL

MY DEATH CALL
19:24 Jun 01 2007
Times Read: 1,013

THE MOMENT MY EYES OPENED I KNEW MY LIFE WAS CHANGING. HOW COULD IT BE THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS CAN HAVE THIS ON ME HOW!!!! I AM BACK TO THAT DARK CORNER OF MY MIND THAT MAKES ME HIDE AND I DONT KNOW HOW I WILL HANDLE IT THIS TIME. I LOOK FOR THE RAZOR NOT HERE, THE WEAPONS ARE SOME WHERE WHAT A KNIFE???

A DARK DAY
04:46 Jun 01 2007
Times Read: 774

THIS DAY WAS AS BAD AS EVER, FOUND OUT BAD NEWS ABOUT MY BEST FRIENDS WIFE. HE IS IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION AND SORROW. I AM NOW IN IT ALSO FOR WE ARE ONE IN WHAT WE DO AND IF HE FALLS I DO AS WELL IN THIS LIFE. AS I SIT HERE IN THE DARK I FEEL THE TENTACLES OF THOSE OLD DARK FEELINGS CREEEPING UP ON ME AND I FEEL THEIR DARK PULL ON ME. I AM SO ALIVE THESE DAYS IN MOST WAYS AND IN THE LITTLE PAIN I WAS FEELING WAS GOING AWAY BUT WHEN I GOT OME AND HEARD ALL THAT WAS GOING ON AND THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TOMORROW MY SOUL IS OUNCE AGAIN FEELING THE SWEET PAIN AND HURT THAT I PUT AWAY FROM ME AND I DONT WANT IT BACK BUT I KNOW THE MORNING IS GOING TO DESTROY MY SOUL THAT IS SO ON FIRE AND I DONT WANT TO THINK OF THE NIGHT AS I SUFFER ITS TORMENT AND THE NOT KNOWING OF THE FUTURE OUNCE MORE DAMN MY LIFE IS TRUELY HELL!